Chemo no 73

Chemo is such a long hard slog. I’m now more than half way in but there are still far too many weeks to go. The drugs are working and my cancer is now stable which is brilliant. It makes the treatment so much easier to deal with.

Apparently I’m coping well. By this point most other women on the same regime take a break. I was determined to push through and get this finished as soon as I can. Although now I’m not so sure.

Part of coping with chemo is accepting this new reality. You can’t live life like you want to. But it’s so boring. You’re too knackered to do much.

One thing I do occasionally is to draw flowers. Like those above. Focusing on the tiny details of the flowers helps me to forget about the bigger picture.

The worst side effect is the tiredness. It’s just horrific and relentless. Most days I’m just wiped out. Often my body is exhausted but my mind isn’t. It’s frustrating. You want to do stuff, your brain tells you can do things just like you used to but physically it’s impossible.

The trouble is that I now have  a dangerously low level of magnesium. My latest blood test result for it had to be double checked as it was unbelievably bad. As my body can’t retain it and the toxic drugs only make this worse theres not much we can do other than regular mega dose drips of magnesium.

The chemo also has an impact on my already rubbish digestive system. I’m on a low fibre diet anyway. I eat hardly any fruit or vegetables. Due to all the treatment I’ve had my body can’t cope with anything which is too hard to digest but now I have to be even more strict. The other week I ate part of a peeled raw tomato. Bad choice. It made me vomit for a couple of days. I know it sounds ridiculous that something so innocent, something healthy can make me so ill.

Generally most people having the treatment are exhausted and this is made worse by the cancer killing drugs. Chemo is often a long, dull day sat in a room full of ill strangers. So it’s understandable that you do what you can to pass the time.

Phones are great for entertainment but recently everyone on my ward had to put up with a visitor playing lots of video clips out loud. At the time all the patients including me were trying to sleep but with each new clip I woke up. I’ve even sat next to someone who talked to a friend for half an hour with their phone on loud speaker. I mean seriously, do you think any of us wanted to listen to both sides of your boring conversation??

Please, please don’t put your phone on loud speaker on a chemo ward, use headphones instead. Otherwise you’re just being selfish.

Okay, rant over. Did I mention that chemo can also make me quite bad tempered!