It should have been a wonderful moment.
After intensive care, the only thing I was focused on was getting well enough to escape. My plan has always been to get through this cancer treatment as quickly as possible.
But I was very tired and just a little bit scared.
Being stuck inside hospital felt as if I was in some kind of ghost like prison. Most of my fellow inmates wore identical white hospital gowns and we all moved so slowly.
At night we shared each other’s pain. With bleeps and screams and emergency visits from doctors.
Early the next morning the nurses would wake us. They would tell us that it was going to be a lovely day. Inwardly we’d all sigh. It was going to be another day stuck on the ward staring at a bright blue sky.
I don’t think it helped that the building was right next to a jail.
I thought that once I left hospital, everything would be back to normal. But I wasn’t ready for normal and it came as quite a shock.
It was the first time since the day of the operation that I’d properly been outside. Just walking the short distance to the car, it seemed like everyone around me was in such a rush.
A week on from getting out of hospital I’m still totally and utterly exhausted.
My days go something like this. Breakfast, then sleep. Shower, sleep. Lunch, sleep. And so on.
But I do have glimpses of ordinary life.
It’s amazing to go into the garden and actually feel that sun on my skin after being trapped inside for so long.
In these brief moments, I feel well. Really well.
These glimpses are getting longer. And I can’t wait for them all to join up so I can have a whole day out of bed.