Chemo no 61

It’s been such a horrible shock remembering just how bad chemo can be. I suppose it’s been so long since the last lot that I’d conveniently forgotten. Otherwise I might not have agreed to have more.

I’ve just been so tired and dizzy from the anti-cancer drugs. It’s been like a never ending hangover. And this is just the start. There are many, many weeks to go.

For this treatment I have a chemo cocktail once a week and then I have a bottle of the stuff to go home with. The container is attached to me. I never thought this part would be so very hard.


The bottle has a clever mechanism pumps the drug into my body continuously. It’s the size of a small bottle of water and it has to come with me everywhere and I mean everywhere. I was given a bag at hospital (below) to carry the bottle around my waist but it’s not brilliant and quite uncomfortable.


My friend Lynne suggested that I ditch this for a 80s bum bag and thats what I’ve gone with! Well almost, the one I using doesn’t look too retro. It’s actually a running belt and seems to work much better.

Now that I’m feeling incredibly exhausted most of the time, having to carry around this bottle of toxic liquid makes things even worse. It’s so frustrating. It’s also a constant reminder that I’m on chemo. That’s something which I really want to forget.

23 thoughts on “Chemo no 61

  1. Hang in there Helen, you have shown so much courage up to now, life has dealt you a tough blow but you can do it, you are obviously surrounded by loved ones and special friends. We the public think we know you but of course we do not, but that does not stop us being concerned for you.
    My thoughts and prayers go with you.

  2. So sorry Helen how completely crap. Does the carry-about-bag-of-noxious-tricks last until the following week?
    I’m Sure you’ll get through this as you have been through worse before.
    Hope you see some benefits to the chemo REALLY soon – to help you cope with the vile symptoms xxx

  3. I’ve been feeling very sorry for myself with an everlasting cold and an abcess on my tooth. Now I feel ashamed!!! I am sending you loads and loads of positive vibes. Not only to you but to all your family and the great network of friends you have supporting you. You have given so much of yourself to the public on this site and like Margaret above has mentioned, we all feel like we know you, which of course we don’t. Although we don’t know you, please be assured that we are all supporting you and wishing you well on this part of your chemo journey. May it go past in a flash and you once again have a chemocation/gap years!!!

  4. Oh what a bummer! Excuse the dreadful joke. You remind all of us to be grateful every day that we don’t have to carry a bag of nastiness with us. If that bag does what it’s meant to, then I suppose it can be forgiven.
    All I can do is to send my sincere best wishes to you, and alongside many others, hope in some way it helps you, just a little.

  5. Lots of love and thoughts. Praying constantly for you😘😘😘😘😘
    Please don’t start running now you have a running bag !!!!! 🙈

  6. Think about you, thanks for sharing, it really helps to talk honestly about these things – I hope the onco’ team are reading every word, we need to make this type of situation as good as it can be!

  7. Stay strong lovely, you have done amazing so far. Things always get worse before they get better. Thinking of you and willing you on.

  8. You are an inspiration to everyone Helen. Keep going, you are defying the odds and beating it. Think positively because they are improving treatments all the time.

  9. Oh no. Oh Helen. I don’t know what there is to say. What to do? I’m a 50-ish nobody living in Tewkesbury. But if I can do something to help, to lift your spirit, to make you smile, tell me.


  10. Don’t give up, please don’t give way,
    Even if the cold burns,
    Even if fear bites,
    Even if the sun sets,
    And the wind goes silent,
    There is still fire in your soul
    There is still life in your dreams.

    Don’t give up – by Mario Benedetti

    Keep going! dont give up!

  11. Looks better than the drainage bags I had after mastectomy (they were paisley!) – maybe a retail opportunity. I was thinking someone else retailing for you….Hope the toxins are hitting the right bits…

  12. Hi Helen sorry to hear your frustration and I mean “hear” not read you have been so strong this far continue to be strong girl frustration wont beat it but strength will help you beat it. I pray that my Great God will bless you at this time of frustration. love Ed

  13. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this and I hope it will be but a short interval before you’re back on chemo holiday again. Thinking of you. Best wishes x

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