Here we go again. My lovely long chemo holiday is over. It’s been an incredible 14 months without any nasty drugs. It’s been one of my best years ever. While the cancer stayed dormant I got my life back and it was extraordinary. Often it was as if I didn’t even have the disease.
After each treatment you always hope that it will go away forever. Even when you know that it’s very unlikely to happen. The longer you go without needing chemo, the more you hope for the impossible. You dare to dream that you could be the exception.
But a couple of months ago the pain and the blood tests started to tell me a different story. That the cancer was growing inside me again.
It’s such a harsh blow. I know this is was expected and I realise that I had a much bigger chemo holiday than predicted but it doesn’t make it any earlier to accept.
However the good news is that because I’ve had so long without any chemo cocktails my body is in much better shape than it has been for a while. In the past I’ve gone from one load to toxic drugs to another without much chance to recover. While I still feel exhausted much of the time, my body should be able to cope well with whats to come.
This week I start treatment and in total it will be my 60th chemo! Over the next 5 months I will get 18 blasts of the stuff. I dread the side effects but I need the cancer killing drugs to live longer and to hopefully have many more lovely chemo-cations.