End of the chemo-cation

Here we go again. My lovely long chemo holiday is over. It’s been an incredible 14 months without any nasty drugs. It’s been one of my best years ever. While the cancer stayed dormant I got my life back and it was extraordinary. Often it was as if I didn’t even have the disease.

After each treatment you always hope that it will go away forever. Even when you know that it’s very unlikely to happen. The longer you go without needing chemo, the more you hope for the impossible. You dare to dream that you could be the exception.

But a couple of months ago the pain and the blood tests started to tell me a different story. That the cancer was growing inside me again.

It’s such a harsh blow. I know this is was expected and I realise that I had a much bigger chemo holiday than predicted but it doesn’t make it any earlier to accept.

However the good news is that because I’ve had so long without any chemo cocktails my body is in much better shape than it has been for a while. In the past I’ve gone from one load to toxic drugs to another without much chance to recover. While I still feel exhausted much of the time, my body should be able to cope well with whats to come.

This week I start treatment and in total it will be my 60th chemo! Over the next 5 months I will get 18 blasts of the stuff. I dread the side effects but I need the cancer killing drugs to live longer and to hopefully have many more lovely chemo-cations.

30 thoughts on “End of the chemo-cation

  1. Sad news Helen. I hope all goes well and the side effects are not too bad. Sending you good vibes xxx

  2. Hang in there Helen…new drugs are coming onto the market all the time. You continue to be an inspiration!

  3. You are amazing Helen. I’m sad to hear you’re having to have more chemo but pleased you managed to go so long without it. And you’re right; the break has given your body the much needed time to build up again, ready to face its next ‘battle’. James Bond will join you as you have your chemo cocktails and blast those evil cells away, just like he did before. I’ve been chemo-free for almost 2 years now and had scans yesterday so praying my chemo-cation continues! Lots of love to you angel. Thinking of you all the time xxx

    • Hey thanks so much Anouska! It’s so fantastic to hear from you. Wow two years thats amazing! I think of you lots too my glamorous warrior sister Fingers crossed for a great outcome from your scans. Lot of love xxx

  4. Hello Helen, I hope the chemo is kind and as u say gives you another chance of a long chemo holiday.

    I was so excited to hear your news about your engagement .

    You are an amazing lady and I can only hope that in the same situation I could be as strong and brave as you .

    I love hearing about your list for living .

    Sending you love and strength xx Ali xx

  5. Having just recovered from 8 chemos – you are a true inspiration Helen. It’s wonderful to feel well and getting your body stronger will definitely lighten the chemo load! Good luck and hope you meet interesting people along the way.

  6. I’ve ‘liked’ your post, but of course, ‘like’ is totally the wrong terminology. I just wanted you to know I’m thinking, wishing and hoping for you.
    Love, Vicky

  7. Dear Helen, these are not good news. We were hoping and rooting with you for an even longer chemo-cation. On the other hand, I know you have the strength to endure yet another round of chemo. You have yet to tick items on your List for Living, which, I feel, has one more very important addition. As always, I am sending you my love and loads of positive thoughts!

  8. Hi Helen hope it goes well, I am in my 14 the year living with Ovarian Cancer and have had all the chemo’ available, also been on clinical trials at Royal Marsden. Always new treatments coming through on the trials we just need to hit on one that will keep us in remission. What chemo are you having this time? Sandra

  9. I can only repeat what the others have said. You continue to be an inspiration to us all and I hope and pray for a positive outcome for you Helen. Sincere best wishes and love ❤

  10. Helen,

    So disappointed to read this post and yet pleased you have had a good year. I had one round of 8 chemo sessions 3 years ago and cannot imagine doing it again.

    I and many others (many of whom you won’t know) will be thinking of you and willing you to get through this. I expect there are far more people thinking of you and hoping for the best than you realise.

    Your thoughtful posts and lovely writing engender a huge amount of affection towards you.

    Sending you best wishes.


  11. Helen, am so sorry to hear this. However I know how positive you are and as always will pray for you daily. Much love Annette👍👍x

  12. I am thinking of you Helen…your attitude to what lies ahead is incredible. As it gradually cools down here in Australia I hope things start to look beautiful for spring and summer over there. I will look forward to some photos from you. Anne

  13. So sorry to hear this Helen, but how typically optomistic of you too. Sending love.

  14. so glad you’ve had a good year and so sorry to hear this latest news. Stay strong and brave. We all love you and think of you and pray for a good outcome xxxx

  15. So sorry to hear this.

    Can’t think of anything useful or inspirational to say, but thinking of you.

  16. You are very strong! I am sending you positive energy from Toronto! I hope that all goes smoothly and that the side effects are not too bad. Thx for sharing your story. Take Care.

  17. When the going get tough, the tough get going (and going). You keep going girl, your being cheered on from all over the world xx

  18. Thinking of you Helen……..
    All my thoughts, love and, support
    You will fight this bad boy ……
    And we will be waiting to hear about the next number from the list for living
    I’m waiting on No 51 ☺️…. Xxxxx

  19. Feeling pathetic that I can’t think of anything inspirational to say, when you write with such optimism and positivity. You are so brave and strong. Thinking of you.

  20. Helen, you are an amazing person. When I see an email with your name in it, I just know I will find a source of inspiration after reading your updates. I also know that many others will share my view. Look forward to reading many many more updates and we are still waiting for your book. :)

  21. Hi Helen it has been great that you have been free of the dreaded chemo for so long ! sorry to hear that you have to go on the poison again, and praying that our great God will restore you to good health. Thinking of you. Ed

  22. Dear Helen
    I’ve been quietly following your blog ever since your radio 4 programme and full of admiration for your strength and resilience while you journey on the roller coast of life and chemo. Was so pleased you have had a wonderful long break to fulfill further adventures on your list for living, and sad to hear your latest news. However I’m sure you’ll weather the storm as you do so amazingly…… Good Luck with it all …and keep writing …we all worry when you don’t update us!
    Warmest wishes

  23. I hope the chemo goes smoothly and the next chemo-cation comes quickly. Thank you for updating. Wishing you all the best x

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