A license to kill

I woke up early, stupidly early. I was so excited about the start of chemotherapy. Finally it was about to begin and soon this nightmare would all be over.

It’s made me realise just how far I’ve come. A few months ago I thought the cancer might be terminal. Now it’s all gone. I feel incredibly lucky.

There are many things I could do to prepare for today. Thanks for all the brilliant suggestions! My teal nails are painted; I have a bag of snacks ready and downloaded enough TV shows to keep me entertained for weeks.

It was still dark as I lay in bed waiting for the middle of the night to turn into the early hours of this morning. So I did some visualisation. Hey I know it sounds a bit new age but bear with me on this.

Apparently visualisation boosts the immune system by relieving anxiety and helps the body to function properly. I’m willing to try almost anything.

I tried to think about what it would be like when the drugs went in. I turned every drop from the drip into a killing machine. A kinda James Bond. I imagined my own microscopic army of special agents.

Just in case you’re wondering, I’m thinking Daniel Craig as James Bond. I have to admit that 007 often came with us on the road to most stories when I was the BBC correspondent in Bosnia and Serbia.

I travelled around the Balkans with my Dutch journalist friend who had a thing for him too. I’ve great memories of us full of nervous energy listening to Bond movie music while driving across amazing mountain ranges onto our next adventure.

Anyway, I’m picturing my troops being launched into the killing zone with charm, cunning and a wry smile. Their mission is to destroy any rogue cancer cells.

Now on the chemo ward at hospital I’m settled into a Joey from Friends style comfy chair.

With the foot rest up I have what the doctors like to call an infusion. It’s a nice way of saying that my body is being slowly poisoned by chemicals which can’t discriminate between good and bad.

But, I will be thinking of James Bond who can.

8 thoughts on “A license to kill

  1. Best piece yet! I love the visualisation and Daniel Craig would definatly have been the 007 I would have chosen!!
    Love you loads Helen, hope all is going as well as can be expected and I will speak to you when I get back.
    Sally xxxx

  2. Visualization sounds like an excellent idea. I’ve read nothing but positive findings for meditation and the like. James Bond is going to irradiate any rouge cancer cells, like you say. Good luck today, and through the upcoming weeks may you keep tapping that great place in your mind.

  3. OK Bond…go get any of those little rogue cells and eliminate them…for good!
    Thinking of you cousin xoxo

  4. You’re a Bond girl! Tough enough to show D. Craig a thing or two, I think. You remind me of Helen Skelton off Blue Peter, when she talked to James Cracknell, the Olympic rowing gold medallist, about kayaking 2,000 miles down the Amazon. He said, “You can’t do this.” Her reply: “You don’t know me.”

  5. Great piece on the visualisation of the treatment. I think I can use that to overcome a few more mundane work based challenges.

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