Happy Monday

There was a strange man in my bedroom a few days ago. When I say strange, I mean I’d never seen him before. With a laid back attitude, he was tall, tanned and had bleached blond hair. He looked more like a surfer in a smart shirt than a doctor.

The GP had been called as I felt worse than I had since the last lot of chemo. The leg pain, the sleepless nights and being permanently shattered had all got too much. Just thinking was hurting my head. None of the medicine I was taking seemed to work.

It was a locum doctor who turned up. We’d never met but it emerged that we’d been at university together. It made this random meeting in my bedroom seem even more surreal.

He stood next to a pile of magazines which were on the floor next to my bed, all unread. Dr Surf picked up a copy of Health and Fitness. A sporty looking woman smiled out from the front cover.

“This is you,” the GP said pointing at the magazine he was holding. It seemed more of a statement than a question.

“Hardly,” I replied.

I wasn’t exactly a picture of health. My face was still a bit red and puffy from crying with exhaustion earlier. I didn’t have enough energy to even consider drawing on some eyebrows or putting on a wig. What little hair I had left on my head was sticking up exposing my scalp. As for fitness? Pah.

After six months of cancer treatment it’s hard to see yourself as anything other than someone who’s very ill. Having a potentially killer disease takes over your whole life. But the doctor made me realise that I’m more than just a patient. That’s something I’m going to enjoy getting used to.

Anyway he sorted me out with some different painkillers. Since then they’ve been working wonderfully.

I had five hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. Five whole beautiful hours. When I woke up I felt rested and more like my old self. The pain seems to have eased and taken some of the tiredness with it. Most of those chocolate cravings have disappeared too!

Today I managed a tiny walk in the garden. I haven’t done that for weeks. Sunny with a slight chill in the air, it felt like autumn was on its way. It reminded me of that back to school feeling of exciting possibilities ahead.

I was quickly out of breath but I forced myself to go on. I’m determined to be fit once more.

Dr Surf was right. I was once like that sporty girl. Not a cover star mind you but just someone who liked exercise and being healthy. Now I’m feeling more like me I can imagine being that girl again.

6 thoughts on “Happy Monday

  1. And you will be that girl again, you are still that girl inside your heart and mind, we just need to nurse your body back to health. Baby steps will get you there. Little by little, bit by bit you are going to get your life back again and we’re all cheering for you xx

  2. Helen, Just to let you know your blog is also a great motivation for hundreds of your followers and supporters. Please keep writing this wonderful blog.

  3. Helen, you will always be my Sporty cover model… Volleyball!!! as time has gone on ive been thinking of you loads, looking forward to seeing you again soon….what an amazing women you are xx much love Sima x

  4. Helen – Hoorah! You finished the race, and it’s time to celebrate. Thank you so much for sharing your ordeal – painful as it was. Those of us that are still running our races are inspired by you. Good luck to you as you find your new “normal”.

    P.S. – Will you still be blogging, I hope? Your writing is too good to miss.

    • Thanks so much, it’s totally brilliant that it’s all over :)

      It’s very kind of you to say that my blog is inspiring to those still fighting. I’m honoured that it’s of some help.

      In answer to your question, oh yes I’m going to be continuing with the blog!! Next update is tomorrow,

Comments are closed.